


Show Me Going (Without You)

by emmiegrace



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e20 Show Me Going, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 22:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmiegrace/pseuds/emmiegrace
Summary: "Show Me Going" except it was Amy who responded to the shooting at Brooklyn Heights. Jake attempts to deal with feeling useless while the love of his life is in danger, and the squad attempts to help- with varying degrees of success.





	Show Me Going (Without You)

With a single sentence Jake’s entire world shattered.

“Santiago 98204, show me going.”

Jake’s vision tunneled and the voices around him sounded muddled, like he was hearing them through water. Distantly, he felt the precinct’s eyes on him, but they all felt a million miles away.

Charles’s voice broke through the static. “Jake-” He started, but he couldn’t get anymore out before Jake was running for the stairs.

He made it to the street before Rosa managed to grab him by the arm. “Jake, what do you think you’re doing?” She demanded angrily, tightening her grip in his hoodie as he attempted to run off again.

“I’m gonna go save Amy!” He yelled, gesturing vaguely in the direction of Brooklyn Heights nearly a whole city away. “You know? Amy! The love of my life Amy. My fiance Amy. The woman I’m supposed to be marrying in three weeks- unless of course she’s shot and killed before I can!”

“Yeah, I know who Amy is, Jake. You need to calm down.” Rosa didn’t let up her grip or her tone at Jake’s hysterics. “You don’t even have your gun on you. What was your plan? Run in there unarmed, without a vest, and get yourself killed? How would that help her?”

“I don’t know! But I have to do something!” He shouted, and the rest of the squad had gathered around them then. 

Captain Holt spoke up, voice deep and serious. “The best thing you can do for Amy right now is be here for her when she gets back.” He told him.

“And what if she doesn’t come back?” Jake shot back. “What then? Because I don’t think I can live with myself knowing I sat around and did nothing while my fiance was getting shot at.”

“You can’t think like that.” Charles said quietly.

“She’s gonna be okay, Jake.” Gina added.

Jake shook his head, chest still heaving as panic continued to course through his veins. “You can’t know that.”

“Just come inside first, please.” Gina begged him, stepping forward to pull on the sleeve Rosa didn’t have a death grip on. She looked up to him pleadingly- her eyes saying everything her mouth would never. That she couldn’t have her best and oldest friend in there too. Not the one person who knows her better than anyone because he’s known her since before she built so many walls.

Jake’s shoulders deflated, and Holt pulled out his phone to get the 9-7’s Captain on the line as they all guided him back up to the fourth floor.

 

In the briefing room Gina held onto Jake’s hand while Charles hovered at his other side and Rosa sat on the table behind him. Terry watched them as he waited next to the podium for Holt to return from his office, and Hitchcock and Scully sat at the back table- Jake assumed guarding the other exit. 

He was officially a flight risk.

They all straightened up when Holt finally entered. “So? What’s going on? What did they tell you?” Charles asked anxiously.

Holt spoke mostly to Jake as he answered. “There’s limited information available on the situation at Brooklyn Heights, but I did manage to speak to the Captain at the 9-7 who offered an update.”

“Do we know how many shooters?” Rosa asked, keeping her arms crossed.

“Two, possibly three.” He said, looking up to her. “Again, the situation is still developing, but as of now there are three dead, and multiple wounded- all civilians.”

Jake sat forward, throwing his arm out. “So we’re going up there right? To help Amy?” He demanded.

“ESU is on the scene, and the 9-7 is locking down the area. It’s already a zoo.” He answered, shaking his head apologetically. Jake deflated and looked to the wall, angrily shaking his head as his fingers rapped against the table anxiously. “They wanted us to remain on alert, but not to respond.”

“Yeah, but that’s just a suggestion!” Jake insisted.

“No, it wasn’t a suggestion.” Holt said. “We’ve been ordered to go about our business as usual.”

Jake exploded again at that. “Amy  _ is _ my business!”

Holt was the only one who didn’t flinch. “I did fight them on this,  _ I tried. _ ” He told him seriously. “They understand our situation, and promised me we’d be the first to hear of any news.” He gave him a hard look. “She’s not going in there alone, Jake. She’s part of of a  _ massive _ NYPD response.”

Jake shook his head again as Holt dismissed them, but he didn’t move as tears were still threatening to fall from the edges of his vision as he couldn’t stop imagining Amy in there alone, getting hurt, dying- alone without him.  _ His entire life just crumbling before his- _

“Hey. Stop it.” Gina’s voice pulled him back to reality and he looked over to her with glassy eyes. Holt, Terry, Hitchcock, and Scully had all left. “Spiralling isn’t going to help.” She said.

“I don’t know what to do.” He said. “I can’t compartmentalize this, Gina. This isn’t a bra in the back of my dad’s car. This is  _ Amy _ . She’s my  _ everything _ . I don’t know what I’ll do if-”

“Stop.” Gina cut him off again, and his mouth snapped closed. “You just gotta stop thinking worst case scenario, dude.  _ She’s coming back. _ ”

 

About an hour later Holt couldn’t find Jake (or the rest of the squad) anywhere, so he went back to the bullpen to check the scanner. Terry was sitting at his desk with it.

“Any news, Sergeant?” He asked by way of greeting.

“Uh, last I heard they’ve located one shooter, but they can’t get to him.” Terry answered, pulling his cell phone away from his mouth at angle so that it stayed to his ear.

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were on the phone.” Holt said at the sight, waving his hand a bit.

“Oh, just on hold.” Terry replied mildly. “What’s up?”

Holt took a deep breath. He’d been looking for Jake, but he figured he could practice consoling on the sergeant- there  _ was _ a crushed computer mouse on his desk after all. “Well, I just wanted to check in and see if you were all right,” he started, moving to pick up the device. “I couldn’t help but notice you’ve flattened your mouse.”

Terry winced at the sight. “Sorry. I get crush-y when I’m nervous.”

“Well if there’s anything you want to talk about my door is always open.” He tilted his head at the phrasing. “Uh, metaphorically. In reality, I often keep my door closed, for privacy, security, climate control…” He drifted off, looking up as he realized what he was doing. “You know what, I never should have even used a metaphor. I’m better than that.” He waved his hands around as Terry nodded in awkward agreement. “If there’s anything you want to talk about, please do so now.” He revised.

“There is.” Terry answered quickly, putting his phone on speaker and setting it on the desk as he stood up. “I’m so scared for Amy.” He started. “And I realized while I was watching Jake freak out about what he would do if-” He cut himself off and took a deep breath. “I realized I haven’t looked at my life insurance policy since Ava was born.” He spoke somewhat frantically now as he gestured back to his phone. “I’m on hold with them right now! Terry needs a bulkier plan!”

Holt reached forward to rest a hand on Terry’s shoulder like the online forum had suggested. “Look, I get that you're worried about your own mortality. Perhaps this fact will comfort you… As an NYPD officer, you're more likely to be crushed by scaffolding than to die on the job.”

Terry’s eyes widened. “Oh, God. This is a city of scaffolding!” He yelled.

“No, no, Sergeant,” Holt attempted to reset. “I was only trying to point out that there are millions of potential ways to die… Do you know how common choking is?”

“What are you doing, man!?” Terry shouted, before grabbing his phone and stomping away, more anxious than he had been before.

Holt’s shoulders fell. Perhaps talking to Jake would not be the best course of action.

 

Jake’s three best friends had apparently decided that the best course of action was distraction.

Jake had been scrolling through every text the two of them had ever sent to each other while simultaneously refreshing the news feed on his computer, when Rosa grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the empty office behind records.

He shook Rosa off of him once she’d shoved him through the door. “What the hell are you doing?” He asked incredulously, before following her gaze to find Gina sitting cross-legged on the couch- a table filled with snacks in front of her, and Charles stood in front of the TV, scrolling through the Die Hard DVD menu.

“Gina’s idea.” Rosa said, shutting the door behind them.

Gina tilted her head. “So, I remembered when we were little when your dad left, and subsequently every time he let you down after that, we used to hole up in Nana’s apartment and watch Die Hard so that you wouldn’t have to think about it…” She gestured to the TV just as Charles hit play and patted the spot next to her. “Figured maybe you could use the distraction now.”

Jake nodded thankfully and took up the spot next to her while Rosa and Charles took the chairs.

They only made it through the first half hour of the movie though before they all remembered the  _ plot _ of Die Hard, and Jake was hyperventilating in the corner, switching between dry heaving and attempting to run for it to save Amy.

There was a lot of yelling.

But when Jake’s phone went off with the Google alert informing him of shots being fired at Brooklyn Heights, God himself couldn’t have kept him from running from that room and up to Holt’s office.

 

Captain Holt looked up to see a sweaty and slightly-green Jake come barrelling into his office. He hung up the phone just as Jake started speaking.

“There were shots fired.” He announced.

Holt nodded. “I just got off the phone. There were two officers down. Neither one of them is Amy.” He informed him shortly, watching him calm down only minutely.

Jake shifted his weight anxiously and leaned forward. “What, are we supposed to wait until one is?” He demanded throwing his arm out. “Sir, we have to go up there. We have to help Amy.” He practically begged him.

Holt sighed. “ESU has more than enough manpower,” he repeated, “and we have been  _ ordered _ to stay in this precinct  _ by the commissioner. _ He doesn’t think it would be a good idea for you to be running in there, Peralta. Not like this.”

“So what!?” Jake threw back angrily. “He’s not a part of our squad! He doesn’t care about her!”

“And you’re the only one that does?” Holt challenged.

“Well, I’m the only one that’s marrying her.” He said like it was a good argument- a testament to just how much he wasn’t thinking straight.

Holt let out a long breath. “Look, Jake, I know you’re concerned about Amy,” he started, ignoring Jake’s scoff and raised eyebrows at the understatement, “as am I,” he pressed. “Nevertheless, I am  _ ordering _ you to stay in this precinct.” He set Jake with a hard look.

“Fine.” Jake bit out. “I understand that’s your order.”

He turned on his heel and stalked out of the office, and Holt fell back in his chair, feeling that went worse than with Terry.

“What did Holt say?” Charles asked as Jake came out.

“Doesn’t matter.” Jake answered, storming past him. “I’m going.”

Rosa tackled him to the ground before he could reach the elevator.

 

They had him tied to his desk chair.

“You just need to stop thinking about it.” Gina insisted.

“She’s gonna be fine. Just calm down.” Rosa repeated.

“We could order pizza. Sal’s is always trying to give you free pizza.” Charles offered.

Jake grunted and pulled against the restraints. “Are the ropes really necessary?” He grumbled.

Holt reappeared in his office door frame before any of them could yet again deny his request for full use of his arms. “Diaz, untie Peralta and bring him to my office.” He ordered shortly before disappearing again. 

All their heads whipped around to look at him worriedly as Jake swallowed thickly. Rosa untied him silently and Jake refused to meet any of their eyes as he made his way into the Captain’s office.

“Shut the door behind you.” Holt said when Jake entered. “Take a seat.”

He shut the door, but didn’t sit. “What’s going on? Is Amy okay? Is she alive? Is she hurt?” He asked frantically.

Holt held his hands up. “She’s fine. Take a seat. We need to talk.”

Jake sighed and sat down heavily. “Are you going to tell me I need to distract myself too?”

“No, quite the opposite actually.” Holt replied, making Jake pull his chin back in surprise. “You don’t need to be distracted. You need someone to help you face your fears, and deal with the reality of the situation.”

Jake raised his brows at that. “And you’re going to do that?” He asked him incredulously.

“Admittedly, I’m not the best for… emotional jabber.” He said, tilting his head. “But I am the only one who knows a little bit of what you’re going through. Or do you not remember when my husband was at the top of an incredibly dangerous gang’s hit list?”

Jake nodded slowly.

“But you’re right.” Holt went on. “At least I could do something to help put a stop to it. I cannot imagine how I’d have felt if I’d only been able to sit idly by and wait.” He sighed. “But you know what helped me more than going after Seamus? Having the 9-9 next to me through it. And right now? They’re worried for her too. She’s one of their best friends.” He reminded him.

Jake nodded slowly again as that sank in. He was running from his family when they all needed each other most. He looked up to Holt, putting his hands together. “Thank you.” He said quietly.

 

Less than thirty minutes later Sal arrived with free pizzas, and the travelling-nurse checking Terry’s blood pressure so he could change his life insurance policy was finally able to leave as Terry’s vitals returned back to normal.

“Look, I’m sorry, man.” Terry said, looking up to Jake as he grabbed a slice. “I worry everyday about what would happen to my wife and kids if something happened to me out there. I could only imagine what I’d do if I actually had to face that. If I’m being honest, you’re handling it much better than I would.”

Jake smirked appreciatively, and next to him Gina spoke up. “All day I’ve just been thinking that the last thing I told Amy is that she’s a massive dork.” She admitted, shoulders falling. “That and that I’m really glad I’m not a cop because I don’t want Iggy to ever have to go through this.” She looked around at all of them. “That makes me a terrible person, I know.”

Jake reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. “No it doesn’t.” He assured her. “That makes you a  _ normal _ person, and a really good mom.”

She smiled thankfully, reaching up to squeeze his hand, and Jake nodded.

Charles’s phone vibrated just as they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

“Guys!” He exclaimed, making them all look up quickly. “Guy, guys, guys. They just took both shooters into custody… Officers got injured in the action- they don’t say how many.” He looked up frantically again as Jake pulled out his phone to call Amy.

He cursed as it went straight to voicemail, pushing back from his chair and flying back into Holt’s office.

 

Forty-nine minutes later and Jake was laid across the couch in Holt’s office, listening to one single-sided phone call after another- all bringing no news.

“She should be here by now.” Jake insisted, not for the first time, as Holt hung up the phone again.

“We don’t know how involved she was with the arrest.” He said instead of ‘we don’t know if she’s been injured.’ But Jake seemed to catch the unspoken words anyway. “By now though the names of the dead would have been released to to the families and concerning precincts. Somebody would have contacted you or me.” He added reassuringly.

Jake checked his phone again at that and found some semblance of relief in the lack of messages, even though it also meant there were none from Amy either. “She could be one of the injured though.”

Before Holt could think of an answer to that the elevator dinged and Jake sat bolt upright, jumping off the couch, and sprinting back into the bullpen.

When the doors slid open, and Amy stepped out, Jake ran forward and swept her into his arms before she even had a chance to blink. “Oh thank God you’re okay.” He mumbled into her hair, tightening his grip on her waist before setting her back down on her feet.

Amy laughed breathlessly and reached up to ball his jacket into her fists, needing to hold onto him just as tightly as he did her. 

He bent down to rest his forehead against hers. “Please never do that without me again.” He whispered.

She shook her head. “Never again.” She promised, memories of the day flashing through her head and making her tighten her grip.

 

Eventually, Jake let go of her long enough to be passed around to their friends, but he hovered, periodically reaching out to grab her hand or rest his on the small of her back- needing the reminder that she was real and there and  _ safe _ .

“Do you wanna go get drinks?” Rosa offered, once they’d all finally hugged her.

Amy leaned further into Jakes side. “Actually, it’s been a really long day, and all I really want is to go home.” She admitted, and smiled gratefully as they all gave their understandings, patting her on the shoulder and giving final well-wishings before the two of them finally departed for home.

They had a lot to talk about.

But for now, at least they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should say that I love the original episode. My little angsty shipper heart just couldn't help itself.
> 
> (If you're only reading this because you're wondering where the hell the next chapter of MBF is: I'm sorry. It was finals week and writing got put on the back burner. I'm finally done with this semester now so the new chapter should be up this week. Sorry for the impromptu hiatus!)
> 
> **Comments are my everything ❤︎**


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